Ted Cook's 19th Hole BBQ

I've lived all over the country and all over the world, so while that makes me cultured and erudite and knowledgeable about other cultures, it also tends to make me an insufferable dinner companion sometimes. Just ask my girlfriend Shannon.

Because I'm from the east coast, I think the pizza out here in Minnesota is ok at best, but doesn't hold a candle to Pepe's in New Haven or anything you can get at the best places in New York City. And I cry a little bit on the inside when Minnesotans actually talk about walleye as "seafood."

I went to college in Baltimore, so no crab cake I've ever gotten since has lived up to my lofty standard.

I lived in Switzerland for over six years (and went to school just down the street from the Lindt factory!), so I consider myself something of an expert on chocolate. And don't even try to talk to me about fondue.

And I lived in the south for years, so I know me some barbecue. Hands down, there is no way any person not from the south, in the south, or somehow connected to the south can make barbecue that won't have me yearning for my days spent below the Mason Dixon line.

Well... except for Ted Cook, that is. Or whoever is working the smoker over at Ted Cook's 19th Hole Barbecue anyway. Now this stuff... this stuff is the real deal.

To be honest, when I say I lived in the south, I actually only lived in Balitmore, MD and Charlottesville, VA. Baltimore is just about as north as you can get while still claiming to live in the south, and Charlottesville is a college town, so while it is in the middle of Virginia, it's hardly representative of the rest of the state. So when I say that Ted Cook's has better BBQ than I used to get when I lived down south, it doesn't mean it's better than any BBQ you can get in the south, just better than any that I used to get. But by any standard, it's really good BBQ.

It's the kind of place that, as soon as you walk inside, you know it's going to be good. There are no tables, no chairs, and no real ambiance or charm of any kind. There's just a menu on the wall (with huge pictures, in case you weren't sure of what a rib is), a counter where you order, and a hole in the back wall through which some mysterious magical being hands out BBQ after you order it. This is southern style BBQ that comes sweet, hot, and with coleslaw a piece of white bread. And just like down south, half the fun is in figuring out what to do with the bread and how quickly you can throw away the coleslaw.

About the food there is little else to say except that it's great. The ribs were falling-off-the-bone tender, the pork was smoky and dripping with sauce, and the brisket just about melted in my mouth as quickly as I could shovel it in. The highest compliment I can pay this place is that now, after watching hours of programs about BBQ on the Food Network, I finally know of a place close by that will cure any cravings I get.

About the only negative things I can say about this place are that the "jojo potatoes" were mediocre and the prices were a little too high. Their jojo potatoes were basically just a huge mass of homemade chips that were either too thick or too crammed into the deep fryer, so none were able to cook through completely, leaving a big, dripping mass of chewy potato. Of course, we ate them all anyway. And the prices were a little too high, but considering how much you get, not so exorbitant that they were unreasonable. But a few more all a carte options at lower prices wouldn't be such a bad idea in my opinion.

But, at the end of the day, this was just good BBQ. And now when I start on a rant about how good the food was when I lived in the south, people can shut me about about the BBQ in South Minneapolis.

I Got Dogged

Last night my sister and I went to the Uptown Bulldog, and since I have a blog, I'm going to complain about the lousy service because I'm still mad about it.

We arrived at 6:30pm, which was a little late to enjoy the happy hour since it ends at 7:00, but hey... a half hour is better than nothing. I figured I could get in at least a couple beers at the discount before the regular pricing kicked in. That was the plan, anyway, which was made mostly impossible due to the slow, lackluster service.

At first, out waitress was a fine if not all together wonderful server. She was polite and arrived only a few minutes after we sat down, answering whatever questions we had and then went off to get our drinks. She came back with the drinks after a few more minutes and then took our dinner order. And then we never saw her again until around 7:00pm. I was hoping to get a last call or at least flag her down so I could get my empty beer replaced before happy hour ended, but that didn't happen. When she finally came over, I asked her very politely if I could still get a beer at the happy hour price.

"Happy hour was over a while ago," she said, which was odd, because that was an extreme exaggeration. I said I knew that, but was hoping I could still get one at the happy hour price since we never got a last call.

"I don't do last call," she said coldly. "We don't do that here."

I just stared at her, actually shocked not only by what she was saying, but that I could tell that my simple question would generate that kind of attitude. How about something like, "I'm sorry, but I'm not able to do that"? That would have been a satisfactory answer. But to act as though I was a jerk simply for asking pissed me off.

"I have 7:01," I said, showing her my watch, which meant that when she actually came over to our table, it was no more than a minute after happy hour, but possibly not even that long.

She just looked at me and then said something along the lines of, "Look, if you really need it, I''ll give you a dollar if you order another beer, ok?!"

I said I'd take it, and she walked away in a huff. It was just... strange, and while I'll admit that my request was kind of bold (even though I was right, and I actually went out of my way to be polite and not rag on her for being a poor server), her response was ridiculous, and made all the worse by the fact that she made an effort to ignore me for the rest of the night, only looking at and talking to my sister when she'd come back over. At one point we were both done with our meals, with our empty baskets pushed away from us toward the center of the table, and then she came over and took only my sister's tray, asked her how it was, and then left without looking at me or taking my tray as well.

And then when the bill came, there was no dollar included nor any kind of discount. She did come over as we were looking at the bill and said, in the same cold tone she had used on my all evnenign, "I know I said I'd give you a dollar, and you can have it if you want. I don't want to be some kind of jerk."

Too late, I thought, but what I said aloud was to keep her dollar. So... that's the Bulldog. Good burgers, lots of beers on tap, awful service. I don't think I need to go back there.

Little Tijuana

"NO SUBSTITUTIONS!!"

That's all you really need to know about Little Tijuana, which isn't quite the worst Mexican restaurant in Minneapolis, just the most overhyped and obnoxious. "No substitutions" seems to be their motto, since it was written on the table, hanging from the wall, and written all over their menus. It was almost as though they were somehow taking pride in the fact that they refuse to compromise on giving paying customers exactly what they want.

Now, don't get me wrong... I've worked for years at Starbucks for years so I know just how annoying and overly complicated customer orders can get if you give them too much free range. But... no substitutions? At a Mexican restaurant? That means if you love tacos but don't want lettuce, too bad. If you want a burrito with no onions, find another restaurant. If you want the hot sauce on the side, go to hell!

But even worse than that is how every combo selection only comes with one choice of meet for every dish. That is to say, they have combo plates that come with (for example) a taco, an enchilada, and a tostada... which you can only order as all chicken, beef, pork, etc. But I want a chicken taco and a pork enchilada. Sorry, no substitutions!! I'm sorry, but that's not a substitution, that's a standard order of business at any Mexican restaurant. Nobody every wants the same kind of meat for every dish in a combo platter. That's unheard of. That's ridiculous. That's... just... dumb, terrible, offensive customer service.

And, no, it isn't because of any issues with prices. All of the meat choices were the same price. Little Tijuana is just run by assholes. If you can think of any other explanation, I'd love to hear it.

Or, at least, maybe just our waiter was an asshole who took the whole "no substitutions" thing too far and applied it to the combos even though that isn't an actual rule. But I doubt it, since he seemed pretty adamant and annoyed at the mere fact that we'd even ask. And in every other way, the service was pretty terrible too.

So how was the food? It wasn't bad. It was even good, though it wasn't good enough that it was worth the hassle of dealing with the terrible service or the restaurant's lack of consideration for their diners' opinions or needs. Oh, and they don't have a liquor license, so there's no booze. That's another deal breaker right there.

Bottom line, there's no reason to go to this place when Pancho Villa's is right around the corner. In fact, there'd be no reason to go to this place even if it was the only Mexican restaurant in town. I recommend that this restaurant substitutes their ridiculous policy and terrible service for some that won't piss off their potential customers, or I'll continue to substitute this restaurant for any other one.

Pancho Villa's

Everything I know about Pancho Villa is what little I learned from that one episode of the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. I know he was some kind of Mexican revolutionary, and that he kidnapped Indiana Jones who eventually joined his band of rebels and went along on some raids. It was a good episode, but not all that informative about the actual historical person, much like the episodes where Indiana Jones met T.E. Lawrence, Pablo Picasso, and Teddy Roosevelt. That kid got around.

Anyway, here's all you need to know about Pancho Villa's, a Mexican restaurant on Minneapolis's Eat Street: It's awesome.

As Mexican restaurants go, they have a ridiculously large menu, most of which has gone ignored by me. Whenever I go I see groups of Hispanic people with delicious looking, authentic Mexican entrees that are probably exceptional, but I always stick with what I know: a combo platter that comes with tacos, enchiladas, rice, and beans. Every now and again I'll feel adventurous and get a different combo platter -- perhaps one with a flauta or a tostada -- but it always has to have a taco, because Pancho Villa's has some of the best I've ever had. The tacos come either with your choice of meat, onions, and cilantro, or Durraza style, which has meat, tomatos, lettuce, and cheese. The tortillas are fantasticly flavorful, with a wonderful texture that is the perfect balance between being too soft and too rubbery.

Or you could be more exciting and order something that looks like this:

Every table gets free chips and salsa, which is becoming something of a rarity these days, so it's nice to see a place that still does it right. And whenever you finish off a bowl of chips, the waitress magically appears to ask if you need a refill. The salsa is fresh tasting and very spicy, at least by Minnesota standards, and while it isn't absolutely amazing, it is good enough. I like it.

The service is always fast and friendly, with an abundance of servers who seem willing and happy to help as needed. This isn't one of those places where you'll wait forever for your drinks until you realize there's only one waitress for the entire section. This place always seems to have a dozen or so waitresses working at any given time. Why is that so hard to accomplish? Why is that so rare? And when I came once with a friend who was shocked to see that she was charged for a side of sour cream (even though it was listed on the menu), they apologized and agreed to take it off the bill. That's class.

Best of all: Two for one tap beers and margaritas all day. That's not a happy hour, that's a happy day.

Actually, best of all is the tres leches cake. You won't be able to eat dessert after finishing a meal at Pancho Villa's, but order a slice to go. Trust me, it's incredible. I wouldn't normally recommend getting desert at a Mexican restaurant, but this is one of my favorites.

Bottom line: Pancho Villa's is probably my favorite Mexican restaurant in the Twin Cities, considering the quality of its food and service, the price, and the fact that there is free parking. Just go there already.

5 out of 5

Matt's Bar

I finally lost my virginity today.

At least, according to the guy sitting next to us at Matt's Bar. After standing awkwardly in the doorway for a few minutes -- because Matt's is the kind of place where you do that for the first time, because there are no signs telling you what to do and the entire staff ignores you -- some guy told flagged me and my girlfriend down and said there were two stools open at the end of the bar next to him. It turned out his name was John and he was a Matt's regular who had been coming ever since he was a kid. John was a talkative guy who talked to us throughout our meal, and when he found out that I had never been there before, he exclaimed, "We've got a virgin!"

You get the feeling that kind of thing happens all the time at Matt's, ones of those bars that's somehow able to turn dinginess into charm when viewed through the lens of nostalgia. I'm from New England originally and not Minnesota, so to me Matt's is just a dive bar that serves the original Jucy Lucy, a burger with the cheese on the inside instead of on the top. But to people who live here, it is an institution and the Jucy Lucy has somehow achieved almost mythic stature. So of course I had to try it, but the fact that it took me about six years to do so should tell you about how skeptical I was.

I think in order to truly appreciate the Jucy Lucy at Matt's, you need to sit next to John. He warned us about the cheese, gave us advice on how to eat it, and regaled us with stories of the history of both Matt's and the city in general. He talked so much and was so effusively charming, we almost wanted him to -- and I need to put this delicately -- shut the hell up already and leave us alone. But he definitely made us laugh and added to the ambiance of the place.

Then again, sitting next to John only serves to hype the burger up even more. And, as burgers go, there can't be many that have achieved higher acclaim, won more awards, or topped as many "Best of" lists in as many magazines and newspapers. Even if the burger isn't exactly world famous, enough Minnesotans seem to think it is so it amounts to the same thing. Few legends ever live up to the hype. But then again, some do.

A lot of people honestly believe that the Jucy Lucy at Matt's bar lives up to the hype. But I didn't really think so, though I thought it was a very tasty burger for sure. But I wouldn't rank it as the best burger in the Twin Cities, nor even one of the top ten. It was just a pretty good burger with some cheese in the middle instead of on top. It's fun the first time you bite into it and get scalded by hot cheese that pours onto your fingers and down your chin, but it got less fun as I continued to eat. It didn't get less tasty, but it definitely got messy and less appealing. Also, as a person who enjoys a medium rare burger with a nice pink center, a well done burger with a cheesy center doesn't really do it for me. But, again, it's a good burger, and for the price it's worth getting, if not once, maybe even multiple times.

The fries, however, were exceptional, and served in a heaping pile. A half order is also offered, which I'd probably recommend for the people who don't have the appetite of, say, John from Matt's Bar. My girlfriend and I ate maybe half of our order, but not because they weren't good. I wasn't as enthused about the drink offerings, which include 3.2 beer or pop in cans. I'm not going to comment on their choice to have 3.2 beer on tap, but having just cans of soda is a little vexing, considering how long the burgers took to cook. If I'm eating at a restaurant, I want fountain soda with free refills, not cans. It's their right to serve it that way, of course, but it's almost enough of a dealbreaker that I would be more likely to go somewhere else.

At the end of the day, Matt's Bar is a charming place that was a lot of fun but didn't quite live up to the hype. I liked the burger, but I certainly didn't love it, and I'm still confused as to how it achieved a celebrity status that makes it the subject of TV shows and magazine articles. Bottom line: if my friends told me they were going to Matt's for burgers, I'd definitely tag along, order a Jucy Lucy, and have a great time, but I wouldn't choose to go there on my own. But if you do go there, say hit to John for me. He's always on the lookout for some virgins.

3 out of 5

Red's Savoy Pizza Uptown

Galooney's had been an Uptown tradition for over 15 years. Granted, I've only lived in Minnesota for about 6 years or so, but Galooney's quickly became my favorite sub shop. Needless to say, I was sorry to see its doors close earlier this year. The end of Galooney's is a long, sad story that I don't want to dwell on too much because the wounds are still so fresh. After the doors closed and the lights went out, a sign quickly went up saying that Galooney's was under new management and would reopen up some time in the future with the ridiculously long name of The Original Red's Savoy Pizza Uptown.

I had maybe heard of Red's Savoy Pizza as a place that was well liked by the pizza across the river in St. Paul, but I had never been there myself and didn't know what to expect. After doing some research (I, um, Googled "Galooney's closing") I found a blog set up by the new owners to keep people up to date on the progress of the new location, but they unfortunately post to their blog even more rarely than I post to mine, and almost all of them (until the last one) say something along the lines of, "we're not open yet, and don't know when we will be..." In fact, in the past two paragraphs I've probably posted more substantive information about the restaurant they they did on their entire blog.

But all of that is irrelevant because it finally opened up last week... and it's really good!

Red's is very similar to Galooneys, and yet also very different, as though they made a very strong effort to please fans of both establishments. It's sort of like if they were remodeling Galooney's during a severe ion storm, throwing the restaurant into Star Trek's Mirror Mirror Universe. They layout was much cleaner and sleek than Galooney's was, but that was probably as much because it's new than an actual design decision. There's now a big wall blocking the kitchen, whereas it was all open at Galooney's. There are still tables out in front along the sidewalk, but the backroom seems a little smaller and just as a few booths where Galooney's had booths and tables crammed in. But the biggest change is that instead of ordering at the counter and either taking it to go or having it brought to your table (if you were lucky), you now sit down and wait for a server. You can still order at the counter to go, but if you want to eat it, you have to sit down and order from the table.

I'm not a huge fan of this change since it makes grabbing a meal there far more formal than it should be, and when there's only one or two servers, the wait can get pretty long if they suddenly get swamped at the counter and at the tables. Also, and this is maybe a selfish concern, but with table service I'm going to be forced to tip more, which might make me go there less often. Oh yeah, and instead of having self-serve soda dispensers and paper cups, they now have for here cups that you have to wait for your server to refill for you. If you want take-out, which took about fifteen minutes the first time I was there, you can only get a can of soda. If I'm waiting upwards of fifteen minutes or more for takeout, give me a paper cup and some free refills. Also, ditch the table service, since just feels awkward and slows things down way too much.

But how's the food? It's fantastic. If you loved Galooney's and have been nervous about where you're going to get another philly cheesesteak that was as good, have no fear about coming back to the same location. I actually think Red's subs are better than Galooney's were. That was such a bold statement, I had to format it as such. The menu contains more than a few mainstays from the old Galooney's menu, and you can even order some subs "Galooney's style" if you want they served the way you remember, slathered with mayo and peppers and all that good stuff. Even if you've never been to Galooney's, get your sub Galooney's style anyway. Where Galooney's subs used to come in a choice of two different sizes, Red's offers one that is midway between a large and a small. It's the perfect size, in my opinion, but maybe not if you want leftovers or are sharing. It's better than what you'd get at Caffrey's, however, which are delicious but always leave me feeling as hungry as I was when I walked in. Come to Red's and you'll leave full.

About the pizza I can't comment yet because I haven't tried it. But I already have to dock them a few points because they don't offer slices. Admittedly, I was never a big fan of Galooney's pizza, choosing to go there for the subs almost exclusively, but I would pop in every now and again for a slice and a soda. You can't do that at Red's, which totally sucks, in my opinion. They're pizza seems to be reasonably priced and I'll probably try it someday, but then again, maybe I won't. Usually when I want pizza, I go with a place I know is good. I'd be more likely to give Red's a try if they offered it by the slice. I hate to belabor the point too much, but it just doesn't make any sense to me.

The service was a bit of a mixed bag both times I visited last week, but no so bad that I hesitated to come back again within the same week. Also, it's a newly opened joint so we can't expect everything to run smoothly. But they could speed up the ordering process by putting up a big menu board instead of forcing customers to flip through the menu's kept next to the register. Also, I think they need a better computer system or something, because it seemed to take them a while to punch everything in. Also, when we asked to have our check of $16.00 split between two credit cards, the waitress charged $12.00 to each card. I have no idea how a person could make a mistake like that, but it's a pretty big one all things considered. After I explained it to her, she apologized and voided the transaction and rerang it correctly.

Also, and don't tell my girlfriend I said this, but both times I visited there were some pretty girls working behind the counter. If you're into that sort of thing. I only mention that in the interest of full disclosure about the restaurant. Back when I used to go to Galooney's, there were always cute -- not to mentioned stoned -- guys working behind the counter. This is another improvement Red's has made.

I had a few issues to be sure, and made some suggestions that might kick the place up a notch, but even if they ignore me it's still going to be a fantastic sub shop. I spent much of this year worrying about what I was going to do after the loss of Galooney's, but I can finally sleep soundly at night. Red's is here, and all is right in the world.

4.5 out of 5